Sunday, September 14, 2014

The Cure for a Broken Heart

Location: Emergency Room at the Reception Desk
Woman: I need to be admitted.
Receptionist: What is the nature of your emergency?
Woman: My heart hurts.
Receptionist: Let me get a doctor right away
Doctor: Tell me about your symptoms.
Woman: My heart hurts.
Doctor: Is it stabbing pains?
Woman: Yes. It feels like someone stabbed me in the heart.
Doctor: Do you have a squeezing pain?
Woman: Yes I feel like someone is wringing my heart out.
Doctor: This is serious. Do you have throbbing pain?
Woman: Yes, I have throbbing pain emanating from my heart to the rest of my body.
Doctor: Tell me about your breathing.
Woman: I can barely breath. I feel like someone is sitting on my chest. Its heavy.
Doctor: How long have you had this?
Woman: Since Sunday when my fiancé broke up with me, so about 10am.
Doctor: Oh my, this is worse than I thought. Why did you wait 4 days before you came in?
Woman: I thought it might go away.
Doctor: It never goes away. Let me get you hooked up on a drip of medication.
Woman is hooked up to drip machine.
Woman: Dr, What are you giving me.
Doctor: It’s a mixture of the following: exercise, Sad Music, good friends, ice cream, and distractions.
Woman relaxes visibly.
Doctor: How do you feel?
Woman: I am already starting to feel better.
Doctor: You shouldn’t have waited so long, mam. You need to have more self respect.
Woman: Oh Doctor, thank you so much. The pain is easing up and I can breath again.
Doctor: Good! You just stay on the drip for a few hours. I’ll write you a prescription of heart breaking chic flicks and p90x to take home with you. You’ll be right as rain in a few weeks.

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