Conversation GPS

Conversation GPS or CGPS is a system that whispers into your ear what to say next to achieve your goal in any conversation.

Outside the restaurant for Bobbie’s first date with a girl he met on OkCupid.

Bobbie: OK CGPS.

CGPS: Yes Bobbie. Please enter your conversation Destination.

Bobbie: I want to get this girl into my bed to have sex with me..

CGPS: Ok, Bobbie, let me make sure I have your destination correct: You want to seduce this woman. What is her name?

Bobbie: Sara James.

CGPS: I am looking up her entire social network information, one moment, calculating. I am now looking up her phone records and internet usage and cookies. Ok now I am checking her GPA and transcripts. Ok Bobbie. I have completely mapped out your route. Please enter the restaurant.

Bobbie enters the Restaurant, Olive Garden. He sees a slightly chubby woman who slightly resembles the woman from OK Cupid.

CGPS: Identity confirmed: Sara James. Please approach.

He approaches her.

CGPS: Say, Hi I am Bobbie, you must be Sara.

Bobbie: Hi, I am Bobbie. You must be sara.

Sara: Nice to meet you.

They shake.

CGPS: Say, You looks so much younger than your profile pic.

Bobbie: repeats CGPS.

Sara blushes.

Sara: You are so nice.

They follow a waiter to their table.

CGPS: Bobbie, pull out her chair.

He pulls out her chair and she sits smiling ear to ear shyly.

CGPS: Say, Tell me about your idea of happiness.

Bobbie repeats.

Sara: Being loved by someone for all of eternity.

Bobbie laughs.

Bobbie: Ha ha ha.

Sara turns bright red and scowls.

CGPS: Bobbie! Don’t Laugh! Say, I am so sorry, I just am in shock that you have the same idea of happiness that I have.

Bobbie repeats.

Sara smiles.

Sara: Really?

CGPS: Say, Yes, its all I’ve ever wanted.

Bobbie repeats.

Sara: That’s amazing. No men ever say things like that.

CGPS: Say, I care too much. I am such an emotionally available man. Most women just don’t want that much attention and affections.

Bobbie repeats.

Sara: Wow. Gosh, I don’t even know what to say.

The waiter takes their order and leaves.

CGPS: Tell me about an interesting childhood memory.

Bobbie repeats.

Sara: When I was 11 I got stranded in a row boat in a lake behind my house. I was stuck out there for hours. My paddles fell in and I couldn’t get back to shore.

Bobbie Laughs loudly.

Bobbie: Ha ha ha! Why didn’t you just swim to shore, are you a looser?

Sara looks shocked and hurt.

Sara: I was 11! I was scared.

CGPS: Bobbie!! Say, I am so sorry Sara. Then take her hand. I missed that you were 11. I feel terrible about laughing. You must have been terrified.

Bobbie repeats and takes her hand.

Sara smiles shily.

They eat. And make small talk about movies.

Bobbie: what do you say we go back to my place?

Sara looks shocked again.

Sara: I don’t think that’s a good idea.

CGPS: Bobbie! Say, I wanted to surprise you, but I wanted to show you my collection of love letters my father wrote to my mother while he was stationed over seas. I haven’t shared them with anyone else but you seem like such a kindred spirit.

Bobbie repeats.

Sara: Wow. That’s so romantic! I would be so honored to see them.

Bobbie and her go back to his apartment.

Sara: I was wondering if you’d ever put out.

Bobbie: What???

Sara: My CGPS-2000 kept telling me to act hard to get.  I finally  turned it off.

CGPS: What??? Blasphemy! She was using a newer version of me! She was too good.  It even told her to blush!

Bobbie: I feel used. Let me turn off my CGPS too. It’s so annoying.