Animal Suicide Documentary

Footage of squirrel dead on the side of the road.
Announcer: dear fellow Americans, there is a shocking epidemic sweeping our country. It's not the debt, health care, even the or the rise of terrorism.
It's the rising number of wild animal suicides. We at the association of animal suicide studies and interventions or AASSI have been following this troubling rise in suicides.

The highest increase is in the fun loving squirrel population where the rate went from 40% back in 2000, to the scary rate of 55% in 2011.

The squirrel population is taking advantage of the increase in country roads which humans have built to throw them selves into the grips of death that was otherwise difficult to accomplish.

Here we have Quinn, a male squirrel in his late 2s. We at AASSI intervened in his attempted suicide ealier today. Notice his slow eye movement and hunched poster. These are clear signs of depression.
Announcer(to Quinn the squirrel): What is getting you down?
Quinn: No one loves me. I just go from meaningless nest to meaningless nest. I just want to find a female who connects with me, but who cares. Its all meaningless.
Announcer(to Quinn the squirrel): Quinn, Love is a beautiful thing. You can still find a female who you can develop an intense relationship with.
Quinn:You don't understand me. I've had every kind of squirrel you can imagine. Beautiful ones with very few fleas, smart ones that will blow your mind with their intellectual conversation, ones with fluffy tails, ones with scrawny tails, Gray squirrels, red squirrels, multi colored squirrels. They didn't love me for who I am. None of them could see the inner me so I had to leave each of them.
Announcer(to Quinn the squirrel): There is hope. You are just in a bad place right now. Are you willing to put your treatment into the hands of AASSI?
Quinn: oh whatever.
Announcer(to audience):For a case like Quinn's, we will put him on squirrelZac to pull him out the of the dark hole he's crawled down. Coupled with group therapy.

Cut to INT shot of 10 squirrels sitting in a circle looking at each other awkwardly.

Announcer(to audience): Quinn will be back to his normal happy hyper self with in few months. All in a days work at AASSI. Take care Quinn.