Setting: Two Sisters talk in a Coffee Shop.
Sister 1: I am so nervious about my up coming marriage to Larry.
Sister 2: Well 5 years of marriage has taught me a lot, do you want to know our secret to money management?
Sister 1: Ok, sure.
Sister 2: I spend it before he can.
Sister 1: Really?
Sister 2: Yeah, infact I can't give him any warning of any big purchases I am about to make because he'll spend it before me.
Sister 1: What about that time he bought the car without asking you?
Sister 2: Exactly, I totally messed up. He beat me that time.
Sister 1: I am so glad to have a wise sister to give me advice. Thank you, What about how to date other men while I am married?
Sister 2: OHH I have a lot of good tips on that....
Saturday, September 29, 2012
UnPopular Characters Clubs Association
Setting: The Association of UnPopular Characters Clubs annual meeting.
President: These new movies come out with characters that are run through focus groups. All of them are popular. We are not gaining any new clubs around new characters.
VP of Membership: Yes, but we have so many clubs around older characters , like JarJarBinks, Wesley Striker from Star Trek Next Generation, and Cypher from The Matrix.
President: New clubs around new characters are the life blood of our association. Slowly even unpopular characters start losing their resonance. We need more characters like Dory from Finding Nemo and Velma from Scooby-Doo.
VP of Membership: I agree, but don't underestimate the continued excitement around Merry from Lord of the Rings or Jack Bauer's daughter Kim on 24.
President: Your right, we will just have to keep trudging along and hope more characters like Effe from Hunger Games to come along.
President: These new movies come out with characters that are run through focus groups. All of them are popular. We are not gaining any new clubs around new characters.
VP of Membership: Yes, but we have so many clubs around older characters , like JarJarBinks, Wesley Striker from Star Trek Next Generation, and Cypher from The Matrix.
President: New clubs around new characters are the life blood of our association. Slowly even unpopular characters start losing their resonance. We need more characters like Dory from Finding Nemo and Velma from Scooby-Doo.
VP of Membership: I agree, but don't underestimate the continued excitement around Merry from Lord of the Rings or Jack Bauer's daughter Kim on 24.
President: Your right, we will just have to keep trudging along and hope more characters like Effe from Hunger Games to come along.
That Full Feeling
Setting:
Two sisters have lunch in their home.
Sister 1: This food is so good!
Sister 2: Thank you, I am so glad this new recipe worked out.
Sister 1: Who knew you were such a good cook.
Sister 2: I am going to save the rest for Bob.
Sister 1: I need seconds.
Sister 2: If you wait you'll feel full. It just takes time for your food to register.
Sister 1: I need to hurry before I feel that!
Two sisters have lunch in their home.
Sister 1: This food is so good!
Sister 2: Thank you, I am so glad this new recipe worked out.
Sister 1: Who knew you were such a good cook.
Sister 2: I am going to save the rest for Bob.
Sister 1: I need seconds.
Sister 2: If you wait you'll feel full. It just takes time for your food to register.
Sister 1: I need to hurry before I feel that!
Friday, September 28, 2012
Modeling in the Future
Setting: two old men on a modeling run way wearing shorts with no shirts with huge belles hanging over their shorts. It's the year 2030.
Fashion Reporter 1: these models this year look fantastic. I love the thick hair on their tummies.
Fashion Reporter 2: theres been so much made over the lack of young models in the shows lately, but the current generation is over 55, we enjoy seeing people who look like us wearing clothes we want to wear.
Fashion Reporter 1: exactly. The public has spoken, they're in loooooove with the super plus sized over 50 models that we see so well represented today .
Fashion Reporter 2: the only real problem is the babies under 30 who want to also be represented in the shows, but seriously, no wants to see a smooth skinned persons with low body fat. It's just not the average.
Fashion Reporter 1: fun fact, back 30 to 60 years ago they used to have deathly thin young models!
Fashion Reporter 2: ohhh our silly ancestors. So quaint!
Fashion Reporter 1: these models this year look fantastic. I love the thick hair on their tummies.
Fashion Reporter 2: theres been so much made over the lack of young models in the shows lately, but the current generation is over 55, we enjoy seeing people who look like us wearing clothes we want to wear.
Fashion Reporter 1: exactly. The public has spoken, they're in loooooove with the super plus sized over 50 models that we see so well represented today .
Fashion Reporter 2: the only real problem is the babies under 30 who want to also be represented in the shows, but seriously, no wants to see a smooth skinned persons with low body fat. It's just not the average.
Fashion Reporter 1: fun fact, back 30 to 60 years ago they used to have deathly thin young models!
Fashion Reporter 2: ohhh our silly ancestors. So quaint!
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Counting the Days
Setting: behind the bar at a dive bar and grill.
Two bartenders are talking.
Helen: it's 84 days
Tiffany: that you've been sober?
Helen: no, till I turn 50.
Tiffany: I thought you were quitting drinking
Helen: I don't want to make any big changes before my big birthday .
Tiffany: have you tried to quit?
Helen: it's not a problem.
Tiffany: you lost your drivers and law license.
Helen: I didn't really want to be a lawyer anyways.
Tiffany: why are you counting down till your birthday?
Helen: I get a free world of beer birthday party!
Two bartenders are talking.
Helen: it's 84 days
Tiffany: that you've been sober?
Helen: no, till I turn 50.
Tiffany: I thought you were quitting drinking
Helen: I don't want to make any big changes before my big birthday .
Tiffany: have you tried to quit?
Helen: it's not a problem.
Tiffany: you lost your drivers and law license.
Helen: I didn't really want to be a lawyer anyways.
Tiffany: why are you counting down till your birthday?
Helen: I get a free world of beer birthday party!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Announcement from Blackberry
Setting: two guys watching the blackberry announcement on YouTube
CEO of Research In Motion: We are committed to making BlackBerry 10 an inflection point in mobile computing,
Guy 1: wow, blackberry is almost as good as droid.
Guy 2: it looks like an iPhone
Guy 1: I really need a new phone now. maybe I'll go buy one.
CEO of Research In Motion: we will release this amazing new device in a few months.
Guy 1: what! I can't wait a few months! I guess I'll just get an iPhone 5 then.
CEO of Research In Motion: We are committed to making BlackBerry 10 an inflection point in mobile computing,
Guy 1: wow, blackberry is almost as good as droid.
Guy 2: it looks like an iPhone
Guy 1: I really need a new phone now. maybe I'll go buy one.
CEO of Research In Motion: we will release this amazing new device in a few months.
Guy 1: what! I can't wait a few months! I guess I'll just get an iPhone 5 then.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
On the Internet, nobody knows you're ugly
Setting: Dragon Cave
A Dragon named Tom with a pimple mopes in his dragon cave. A second Dragon named Ralph sits waiting for him to be ready.
Ralph: No one is going to notice.
Tom: How can they not notice, it’s huge!
Ralph: Susan won't care, she likes you.
Tom: How do you know she likes me?
Ralph: Well she did pick you out on eharmony.com just based on your personality since you didn't include a picture.
Tom: Yeah, and our chat sessions are so fun. And this double date is perfect for meeting her.
Ralph: Of course. She’s been dying to meet you for the first time!
Tom (looks in the mirror again): No way am I going.
Ralph: Ok you know what. I am going on my own.
Tom: Tell Susan that I was sick.
Ralph: I think you need to just be honest with her and tell her you’re a dragon.
A Dragon named Tom with a pimple mopes in his dragon cave. A second Dragon named Ralph sits waiting for him to be ready.
Ralph: No one is going to notice.
Tom: How can they not notice, it’s huge!
Ralph: Susan won't care, she likes you.
Tom: How do you know she likes me?
Ralph: Well she did pick you out on eharmony.com just based on your personality since you didn't include a picture.
Tom: Yeah, and our chat sessions are so fun. And this double date is perfect for meeting her.
Ralph: Of course. She’s been dying to meet you for the first time!
Tom (looks in the mirror again): No way am I going.
Ralph: Ok you know what. I am going on my own.
Tom: Tell Susan that I was sick.
Ralph: I think you need to just be honest with her and tell her you’re a dragon.
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