Witness Protection For Those Ruined by Internet Rage

FBI Office of Witness Protection

Norma rushes into the office and finds a random FBI Agent and sits down in front of him.

Norma: Hello, I need to be put under Witness Protection

FBI Agent: Um, well that’s not normally how this is done. Why?

Norma: I posted something on twitter that started a movement called I hate Norma.

FBI Agent: What did you post?

Norma: I basically said that Ebola is Gods punishment on Africa for not reforming.

FBI Agent: Wow that’s terrible. You should be hated.

Norma: I know, it was late at night and I was drunk.

FBI Agent: No, gosh, that’s just terrible.

Norma: Fine. But can you put me under witness protection? I need a new identity.

FBI Agent: No, We can’t put you under witness Protection.

Norma: I can’t get a job.

FBI Agent: That’s not a reason to go under our program.

Norma: My life is over.

FBI Agent: We still can’t help you. This isn’t a job for us.

Norma: I have no idea what else to do.

FBI Agent: How about try not saying stupid things on twitter.

Norma: My life is ruined.

FBI Agent: For a good reason. You should probably leave now.

Norma: There is no hope for me then.

FBI Agent (types on his computer): Actually before you go, let me get a selfie with you and post it with the fact you came here. It’s going to get me so many new followers.